Greetings Nerds! I use that term in the most loving and respectful way. I mean, I literally took the time out to sit here and rank these 3-hour movies, so I think it’s clear that you’re in a safe space. Before I really get into the rankings, I want to make something abundantly clear. I love all of these movies. So ranking them isn’t really about “which one is the weakest?”, but more of a “which one is the least amazing?”. Alright, here we go.

3. The Fellowship of the Ring

Ok, just hear me out. As an introduction to the adventure that these characters are about to embark on, this is the perfect opener. It has a great backstory, perfectly highlighting the looming conflict brewing in Middle-earth. It explains the origin of the rings and the evil that is Sauron and the One Ring to Rule Them All. They show how the Ring was lost and found again, then stolen and hidden for years by Bilbo Baggins. It’s executed so well that one could question the need for the Hobbit prequels. Besides the obvious financial gain. But I digress. To me, the first installment of the LOTR trilogy is almost perfect. Its only flaw is one that couldn’t really be avoided: Exposition. There are so many characters and plot points that they have to hit in this movie and it’s definitely overwhelming. As I said, it’s not the movie’s fault because they execute explaining all of this information very well, but it’s a lot. Especially if you didn’t read the books until long after you watch the movies, like me. I will say this, The Fellowship of the Ring definitely has some of my favorite moments in the trilogy. The introductory scene in The Shire, Bilbo’s birthday party, that amazing moment when the Ring accidentally lands on Frodo’s finger, and Samwise Gamgee refusing to let Frodo carry out his mission alone are just a few moments that always give me goosebumps. This movie is part of the reason the other films are so great, but the remainder of the trilogy is just objectively better. 

2. The Return of The King:

I always look at this movie as a love letter to all of the characters, but specifically to the true hero of LOTR: Samwise Gamgee. And it was long overdue. Think about it. How many people do you know who would stay with you, the way Sam stayed with Frodo? Especially through all the verbal abuse and life-threatening situations. “I’m glad to be with you, Samwise Gamgee. Here at the end of all things.” What a line. It’s at that moment that Frodo really acknowledges that Samwise Gamgee is the definition of a “ride or die”. That’s not the only reason why this movie is ranked second, but it’s definitely like 75%. I can’t sit here and ignore Eowyn and Merry’s victory over The Witch King, The Ride of the Rohirrim, and the actual destruction of the Ring. This movie has back to back to back fan service moments. I’m not using that term in a negative sense, because I don’t see fan service as a bad thing, as long as it makes sense to the plot. Now, I know there are a lot of people who don’t really love the final installment of the LOTR trilogy, but as I said before, I love all of these movies. The Return of the King has the character moments of The Fellowship of the Ring, and the jawdropping fight scenes of The Two Towers. With that combination, you’re probably wondering why I didn’t rank it number one. Well, I’ll tell you. It’s too long. It took me 6 attempts to finish this movie. I’d always fall asleep right when Aragorn, Gimli, and Legolas got to the ghost army. The first time I fully got through it I had to start it at 2 pm. I knew that if I didn’t, I’d be waking up at the end credits again. It’s a beautiful conclusion to this epic adventure, but maybe Peter Jackson should’ve started the whole “let’s split the final book into a 2-part movie” trend. If any film franchise could justify needing to split its conclusion in two, it’s this one. 

1.  The Two Towers

I mean duh. Of course, this is number one. Even if it’s not your favorite movie in the trilogy, you have to admit that it is the best. It’s in the second installment that the conflict and true danger facing Middle-Earth is revealed to the rest of the world. The Fellowship has fallen apart following the temptation of Boromir and his subsequent death. Those that remain break into three remaining groups: Gimli, Aragorn, and Legolas, Merry and Pippin, and the ring-bearers Frodo and Sam. In these factions, they all have to face their separate conflicts. Due to this separation, our heroes encounter many other characters, and in doing so, involve them in what will become the war for mankind. Gandalf the Grey’s fate is revealed, and he returns as Gandalf the White. Merry and Pippin prove their bravery at Isengard, showing that they’re more than just the comedic relief who needs constant rescuing.  The Two Towers is also when we see the trilogy’s first major battle scene. Helm’s Deep, which some would argue, is the battle sequence to end all battle sequences. Personally, I think that Jon Snow and The Battle of The Bastards now holds that title, Helm’s Deep definitely set the standard. The film’s biggest triumph is that despite the different storylines playing out at once, it never forgets the reason that all of these characters have come together and what their true goal is: The destruction of the Ring. And even though that burden has solely fallen into the hands of Sam and Frodo, every action the other members of the Fellowship take is with them in mind. Plus, “you will die before your stroke fell” might be one of the coolest film quotes of all time. And mark my words, one day I will organically incorporate that sentence into a conversation.